Hamptons Dictionary To-Do, You can Wear an AntiPrep

Well if it isn’t a delightful Monday, despite all efforts for it be otherwise! We hope everyone has settled back into their routines without too many hitches.

We start today with an amazing little book The Princess may just need to add to the library here at the Prepatorium. A friend brought it to our attention after seeing an item in the Post. We are talking about The Hamptons Dictionary: The Essential Guide to Class Warfare. The title alone elicits an immediate chuckle, if only because it is precisely the sort of thing that Daddy would ban from the house, sight unseen, word one unread. It is the sort of thing you just know is bad! It is wrong! It must be, just look at the title, what more do you need to know? And apparently the folks over at the Jitney would agree with Daddy, were he still with us.

The Hamptons Dictionary

Now for those not familiar with the Hampton Jitney (that is not a typo, no ‘s’ on the company’s name), it is a good way to transport oneself back and forth from the city to Long Island. The Ambassador Service the Jitney offers is one of the the best ways to get there (short of personal aircraft), roomier and more comfortable than the train, pretty good mobile wi-fi connection and your own power outlet.

You are now asking, exactly what does author Miles Jaffe say in the Dictionary that has executives at the Jitney so exorcised? The Jitney is referred to as a “cattle car.” In public relations lingo there is a practice called a ‘seat drop,’ where product samples, literature, other materials are dropped on seats for captive consumers to pick up and deal with, be they riding a bus or sitting and listening to a speaker at a convention or seminar. You know where The Princess is headed with this, don’t you? (If not, see example below.)

Way back on June 27th riders on the Jitney received copies of The Hamptons Dictionary; the people in charge of the Jitney didn’t think it such a grand thing to be insulted in the book and also have it handed to riders free of charge so they could read the insult. They said “No, thanks very much… ” to future seat drops. As best we know, that is the sum and substance of the insult, really not much of a bad thing in our humble opinion, especially when one considers Mr. Jaffe’s razor-sharp capacity for slicing and dicing those with whom he has an issue. The author is the individual responsible for the website “Nuke the Hamptons,” a virtual place to go and send imaginary missiles at the homes of folks like Martha Stewart. This was back six or eight years ago, and the entire endeavor was fairly amusing as best we recall.

Appropriate phrases we have gleaned from reading about the book? We’ll start with Megacottage, a noun we hope to be self-explanatory. Others include:

• Bay Lice, n., Jet skis
• Hample, Beyond ample; more than more than enough. e.g.: “His and Her Hummers”
• Slaughterhouse, n., A singles bar where the patrons are desperate.
• Million Dollar Smile, n., The expression on a real estate broker’s face at a Hamptons closing.
• Renterror, n., A summer tenant from hell.

Opportunities abound to purchase the book, starting with acquiring it directly from the author, Mr. Jaffe, an author, artist and designer who lives in Bridgehampton. You can also purchase it from the publisher, The Disinformation Company. Of course you can (and should) check with your local independent bookseller, and then there are all of the online megastores. (We are not entirely pooh-poohing them, heaven knows we have purchased enough to finance another wing at the hospital, they can be lifesavers!)

Also today we share an update on one of our AntiPreps, Kim Kardashian, always busy it seems. And in the interest of full disclosure we are more than tardy with this story as it was Breaking News on Ms. Karadashian’s blog last Wednesday, the 2nd. Our apologies for being so slow on this story; evidently we must be more vigilant in tracking Ms. Kardashian.

Ms. Kardashian shares the following on the blog (let us point out the emphasis is entirely Ms. Kardashian’s, not TP’s):

“It has always been a dream of mine to start my own perfume business, since I love to mix fragrances together and come up with new and different scents! I hope you understand my total excitement as I let you, the readers of my blog, become the first to know that I am creating my own fragrance!!!”

Ms. Kardashian also tells us she is working with New Wave Fragrances, distributors of Ed Hardy and True Religion fragrances.

One more note on Ms. Kardashian that will really have you questioning the capabilities of our worldwide field of correspondents here at Intergalactic HQ for the Preppy Princess. We can only pray you find it within your generous spirits to give us another chance to prove ourselves. (Not to put to fine a point on it, but this is rather minor royalty.) At any rate, we had no idea she had blown into Monaco to attend their Film Fest last month; shown below with Prince Albert, her Mother and sister Kourtney.

There you have it.

Gossip Girls Haunt the Hamptons & Here’s One for the Military

Here in the corner condo at the Home Offices of the Preppy Princess Intergalactic (or Interplanetary, either will do) Headquarters, we are most definitely ready for a Friday. My goodness. Sheesh. We are aware it could always be worse – you could be sweltering in Southern California, and we remain hopeful we don’t have a Melted Miss Muffy Martini. (Was it really 106 in Burbank?) Or you could be at the brand-spanking-new Ikea stores that opened this week in Red Hook (Brooklyn) or Atlanta; talk about a zoo! In chatting with friends, it appears both locales have enjoyed scenes not unlike a party at an SAE house or feeding time at the great ape display at your local zoo!

Or you could be in Southampton looking at this.

We hope you are fortunate enough to be reading this while sitting on the porch at your cottage on Nantucket or at the Cape or Macatawa, perhaps Pismo Beach or Half Moon Bay…. sigh. If you are reading it from the Hamptons, you may have already encountered Gossip Girl filming for their upcoming season. We have never, ever, actually known a human being who would get off the train attired like this. You are in a suit, or you are in khakis and a blazer, or you are wearing jeans and a button down, you know the routine. Three argyles all at once and spectators and the shorts…? No. Not even close.

But hey…you’re at the beach. Literally and figuratively. It matters not. By the way, for those not quite in the know (The Princess included) this would be actor Ed Westwick, a Brit who plays a rather slimy fellow named Chuck Bass. There were other celeb sightings: we were told that any females in the vicinity of actor Chace Crawford tend to swoon, or get a bit giggly, as seen in the photo below. You know, teenage, pre-teen, post-teen, tweens, you name it, almost any female breathing in and out could be susceptible, at least from from what we understand.

We move on to female co-stars Blake Lively and Leighton Meester who play teens at the all-girls prep school the show revolves around. Both are seen on the set.

Ms. Lively (this is where TP asks if that is her given name?) is often referred to as being possessed of a ‘preppy style’ or ‘aesthetic’, she is shown below in a Rag and Bone dress that we’re not finding overly ‘preppy,’ although we do love-love-love it. (Psst – it’s on sale too!)

One interesting tidbit about the show shooting in the Hamptons comes from Lauren Le Vine’s story in The Cut Blog (New York magazine online): she reports that no one, as in nobody came to the open auditions for the show held at Pink Elephant last weekend.

We were told to come “dressed upscale and camera ready,” which had us a little nervous as to whether we’d be up to the competition — but then … there wasn’t any. The massive line of Gucci-clad teenage girls never materialized. Instead, the line maxed out at just four people (including us) and none of us were teenagers. We were amazed. How could only four people want to be on the BEST SHOW EVER?

They were casting for an “old-money, glamorous, White Party” in the Hamptons, and were looking for people with “upscale looks and wardrobes … Upper East Side high society, conservative prep-school teenagers, elegant bourgeoisie.”

Let’s take a moment to think about this…. would you have gone?

We thought not. So we’ll move on to our next topic if that is acceptable to you…?

The Princess would like to take a moment for a ‘shout-out’ (… it’s a term we have heard previously and we do hope we have the appropriate usage here) to the folks at Christopher and Banks. The retailer has announced they will provide military personnel a 10% discount every day, starting tomorrow, June 23rd. This is EVERY DAY for active and retired military personnel and their families. How cool is that? Personnel must show a military ID and be in person to receive the discount, which makes sense to TP. Are you familiar with Christopher & Banks? We weren’t, so we were forced to find out more. Above, the evidence. A khaki skirt for about $25 and striped knit tee for $19.97, both of which looked perfectly presentable to us.

Above you see the company’s Intarsia Boxes Cardigan at $45.50 accompanied by the Everyday Fit Tee for $15.50. To kick off the military discount, Christopher and Banks and CJ Banks stores will boost the discounts to 20% for a two-week period from June 23rd – July 6th, and make it 30% if personnel bring a friend to the store with them. For more information, TP recommends reading a copy of the snooze release here or contacting a store near you directly. The Princess was amazed to read there are 500+ Christopher and Banks stores (serving Missy sizes 4-16), 250+ CJ Banks stores (serving sizes 14W-24W), and 39 Acorn stores catering to a “… more affluent customer.. a distinct shopping experience for women who prefer upscale, boutique fashions…(sizes 2-16)…for women who seek spirited fashions..” The Princess will not snarkitize the beauty of what the company is doing for the military with any comments about their description of their Acorn stores division.