Hello-hello, friends and neighbors. The Consort here gliding smoothly mikeside to entertain and confound you while The (lovely and talented) Princess enjoys an “offsite” day. We anticipate her return tomorrow. I’ve been reading her recent posts on the events at the venerable Royal Ascot and I am, quite frankly, concerned. Not for The Princess, mind you. She is capable of handling herself, thank you. I am concerned for the assault on the senses that has been taking place at Ascot. Let’s explore, shall we?
This poor woman apparently does not realize that there is a garden on her head. Still, it’s a fetching look and takes a certain amount of style to carry off. I’ve always found that understatement is lost on so many people. That is certainly not at risk here. What sort of woman dares this look? If you guess only a leading edge fashion maven could handle this pressure you would be incorrect.
This beauty is aging gracefully. I can only wish I do the same. Because I’d look great in that hat. Or there’s this look…
I don’t even know where to begin. This is clearly a woman who knows how to “take it to the next level” (to use a trite middle-level management cliche’). Her colorful headwear is only topped by her glorious manicure. I’m speechless. But wait, there’s more.
National pride is inspiring. This woman apparently confused Royal Ascot with the World Cup. She is clearly a fan of Germany. And who can blame her after the German team’s 4-nil win over Australia. What does that have to do with Royal Ascot? Absolutely nothing. Therein lies the magic of this creation; art for art’s sake. But sometimes fashion has a serious side.
This, of course, would not be one of those times. Can you imagine the conversation at the milliners? “Yes, I would like to have two swoopy tube deals coming out of a couple of flowers that we’ll hot-glue to my head. At the end of those tubes put some random pointy things. Smashing!” I imagine the upside of this look is that with the proper wiring you would be able to receive high definition television signals. Now that, my friends, has promise!
One of things that make Royal Ascot so special is the number of celebrities who make appearances. Like Carmen Miranda…
Maybe I’m wrong on this one. But you could slip a banana, grapes and some other random fruit in this creation and you’d have the look down cold. But don’t think the women have this event all to themselves. Not by a long shot. Men are required to wear top hats. And that’s where this gentleman went wrong…
He must know that a swan has landed on his head. I have had some experience with swans. They are mean, territorial and messy. Clearly that pleases this man. Or perhaps he has spotted the dinner platter in front of him and he is imagining swan for dinner. “If my horse loses I’ll eat my hat!” Indeed.
Walking the fashion razor’s edge is tiring business. Sometimes you just have to settle down and compose yourself.
I confess this would be me. However, I would be wearing my traditional white socks with my morning suit. Classy.
Will you look at the time? I must run so I’ll leave you with the usual reminder: Take care of your waitperson because they’re working hard for you today. Look for The Princess to be back tomorrow and life to return to what passes for normal here. Now I’d like you to enjoy the musical stylings of four young men with a message. Good night, all.