BlogHerNot ‘08… The Art of the Schlemiel

These next few moments are offered at the request of MommyPie, who might be one of the seven funniest bloggers in the known galaxy. She has asked yours truly to submit some thoughts on a topic that would be of great benefit to all. Here, in digest form, is the key to corporate survival.

First and foremost, it makes no difference where you are in the corporate pecking (and I’ve seen that word spelled just a bit differently) order for this nugget of wisdom to be effective. If you have ever had to endure the agony of endless, mindless and directionless meetings please try to maintain focus for one minute here. The key to success is simple:

Act interested and do nothing

It’s breathtakingly simple. When that mid-level manager whips out another Powerpoint presentation so boring the binary code should implode you need to do the following: Lean forward in your chair slightly; put your left hand to your chin for no more than four seconds; move your right hand to your pen and stand poised over your yellow legal pad, mimicking the motions of any brown-noser audacious enough to actually take notes of the drivel on screen.

To give the appearance that you are fully conscious you must occasionally parrot the last four words of someone everyone respects, provided that person exists and is at this inquisition meeting. It is counterproductive to mindlessly blurt out words unless they refer to synergy, cross-platforms, Web 2.0 or other random buzzwords.

There is always the threat that there will be action items to be assigned as the meeting lurches to a conclusion. Now is your time to shine. Pull out your Crackberry, I-Phone or whatever and concentrate intensely on the screen. Appear to be entering critical information that cannot be interrupted. The meeting leader will be loath to bother such a hard charger! If you cannot escape a possible assignment then be aggressive. Work with a trusted co-conspirator to volunteer (major points!) for a task so worthless that no one else would want to attempt it. Believe me, it will fall off the face of the world within days. It will fall faster when you send a memo to your boss saying you need budget to accomplish said task.

In case you need a reminder of how bad it can be…

Now, Grasshopper, go forth and slack.